Week #5 McLean Bible Church

In 2004, Fox News aired an interview with a converted Jew who now leads a congregation of close to twenty thousand Evangelical Christians in McLean, VA.   I was familiar with this interview because I get all of my news from Fox News, and by that I mean the Fox News clips played satirically on the Daily Show every night.  (Side note, if your Fox News watching does not come with John Stewart’s commentary please, please keep in mind that the journalistic merit of actual Fox News is on par with Comedy Central news.  They are both entertainment stations…gasps, yes!  If you want fact checked reporting, put down the remote and read something, anything...not this, anything else)  

Back to the interview that brought us to McLean Bible Church.  It was not unlike most Fox News interviews, two white guys in red ties talking about Jesus or lower taxes (those two mean the same thing right?).  This particular interview commenced with a sermon snippet proclaiming that “God is not looking for big shots or prima donnas,” which is logical because the pastor leads the 8^th largest congregation in the US and speaks weekly on stage in front of a thousand’s of loyal followers and is viewed streaming live to even more. 

Who is this meek, humble leader and where can you hear him speak?  Rev. Lon Solomon and week # 5’s McLean Bible Church!

McLean Bible Church started the way I’m sure all religious traditions began: on an LSD fueled stroll through Chapel Hill, NC, someone handed Lon Solomon  a Jesus pamphlet, he read it, shaved his Jew-fro, smoked the rest of his stash and a mega church was born.

This visit did confirm the mega church service agenda of 30 minutes of music followed by 30 minutes of bible based preaching, followed by mingling at the church cafeteria, coffee house, book store, recruitment desk, restaurant, kids lounge, teen lounge, JcPenny, H&M, Chinese restaurant with the free toothpick of bourbon chicken, or one of the other mall-ish amenities.  There truly was something for everyone.  There were 3 separate services at one time in one church.  There was the rock concert followed by bible based preaching service telecast live on a projection screen, the teen rock concert followed by bible based preaching telecast live on a projection screen, or the full out symphony orchestra followed by bible based preaching actually live.  We chose the latter, and no joke there were timpani drums and a rain stick.  What’s that, you are hearing impaired?  No worries, there was a sign language interpreter, an interpretive interpreter to be exact.  

This visit also confirmed the organization behind running a successful mega church. This one had a traffic light and a cop, and a parking garage.  If you get lost on your way to the service and end up in the bookstore, don’t worry, an usher will escort you to an open seat, which for us was row #1 (we are always on time for things).  No joke, we sat front row; best orchestra seats I’ve ever had.  These seats were not for the uncommitted, the guy next to me read along from his personal bible as the performers sang.   Who brings a book to a concert?!

Anyways, I know people love this stuff, they flock in by the thousands. They wake up early, get dressed, drive on the toll road, park in a parking garage and then watch a sermon on a video screen.  I can wrap my head around some of it, the casual dress code, the free child care, the post church lattes, but that selective literal interpretation of the bible still throws me off every time.    

Sure we can talk about Leviticus 20:13 which states "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination." But Leviticus 19:19 also says “Don't wear clothes made of more than one fabric” and “Don't have a variety of crops on the same field.  I think there is something about killing those of different faiths, not making whoopee during your wife’s special time and something about shellfish.  I do agree with one of those last three, but you get the point.  When anyone takes anything too literally it makes me a bit nervous. 

This service did do a good job of relating the literal interpretation into a real life experience.  The sermon was about when God says “no.”  It is a valuable point, admittedly it even tied into the verse of the day about Paul having a thorn in his side, and the music was pretty good.

Still history has not shown positive results from literal interpretations, or thousands keenly following the words of one…But who am I to argue, if this is what makes you feel fulfilled, or is the reason you volunteer, or give to the poor then I say follow all you want. 

McLean Bible Church aerial photo…

Oops sorry, wrong photo, that’s the pastor’s home.*

*that is kind of a low blow, sorry, sorta.

Week #4 -Unitarians Unite

So if you are a Christian conservative with poor reading comprehension skills (the only reason you’d still be reading this blog) you can skip this entry.  Because this Sunday er Saturday we went to a church whose congregation will be at the Fairfax County courthouse on Wednesday to support Marge and Sue as they apply for a marriage license. 

Nope not “Bet Mishpachah, a congregation for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Jews and all who wish to participate in an inclusive, egalitarian, and mutually supportive community.” I didn’t find that place until my 11am web search and the service was at 10, no worries, we're saving that for another week…OK one more clue, there were bongo drums and the sermon was on immigrant rights…

Are you guessing??????

You got it, Unitarian Universalists (UU)!  Obviously this was not a new experience for me, of any religion, UU best reflects my actual spiritual believes.  I know I’m with kin by the fist bumper sticker on the first Volvo in the parking lot.  They promote equality, social justice, the value of nature, the greater connectivity of all people, it is almost surreal to attend a service so in line with my beliefs, and also a little surreal to sit through an entire church service with no mention of Jesus. 

Here is where the UU’s went right:

There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:

•          The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
•          Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
•          Acceptance of one another and encouragement of spiritual growth in our congregations;
•          A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
•          The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in     society at large;
•          The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
•          Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Here is where the UU’s went wrong:

•        Procreation

Let’s face it, how do modern religious traditions sustain growth? By spreading the truth? By evangelizing? By manipulating the poor and uneducated?  Getting closer, but those are all a lot of work, you need to print bibles, pay for airfare to Micronesia, buy airtime on cable access…sure that will get you recruits, but it is also exhausting.  How can you build a congregation of followers without all of that effort?  Simple, lots and lots of missionary…style between a married husband and wife.   Yup, if you want your congregation to grow, ban birth control, gay marriage, and sex ed. in schools, or just let your men take many wives (ensuring the wives can’t read, vote or work helps too).  Catholics, Muslims, cults, Mormons and just about every religion except the Unitarians seems to have caught on to this.  How and why have the UUs gone so wrong?

It’s simple really, when your congregation is largely socially conscience, over educated  Ph.Ds, I mean the people who literally pay for free public radio, you’re just not going to sustain the generational growth of say a Jackson, Mississippi Pentecostal Church of Christ.  No one in this group is having more than 1.7 children (counting the golden retriever).  It also doesn’t help to be so accepting of the gays…seriously how many new followers do you expect to get out of that, maybe one Vietnamese child per couple or perhaps a minority foster child.   Regardless, they’ll both grow up and want to “reconnect to their heritage” and head straight for Buddhism or Christianity.  Oh and not to mention, you raised them to be open minded and accepting of religious traditions, never once guilting them into following your belief’s…back to recruitment square one. 

I’m not going to lie, I always feel inspired to do more for my community after a Unitarian service.  And they provide no shortage of opportunities to volunteer, but somehow all that Brian took away was “why are we the youngest people here? And why are there only two other men?”  I blamed the fact that we were at a 4:30pm Saturday service, but honestly I think this would be a great spiritual home for a lot of folks who just don’t know about it.  The message needs to be spread!  However, that is never going to happen unless the Unitarians get their heads in the game and start pandering elitism, a bit more close mindedness and some natural family planning brochures* like everyone else.

*Natural family planning is where all of those Catholic babies come from, I’m pretty sure.