In 2004, Fox News aired an interview with a converted Jew who now leads a congregation of close to twenty thousand Evangelical Christians in McLean, VA. I was familiar with this interview because I get all of my news from Fox News, and by that I mean the Fox News clips played satirically on the Daily Show every night. (Side note, if your Fox News watching does not come with John Stewart’s commentary please, please keep in mind that the journalistic merit of actual Fox News is on par with Comedy Central news. They are both entertainment stations…gasps, yes! If you want fact checked reporting, put down the remote and read something, anything...not this, anything else)
Back to the interview that brought us to McLean Bible Church. It was not unlike most Fox News interviews, two white guys in red ties talking about Jesus or lower taxes (those two mean the same thing right?). This particular interview commenced with a sermon snippet proclaiming that “God is not looking for big shots or prima donnas,” which is logical because the pastor leads the 8th largest congregation in the US and speaks weekly on stage in front of a thousand’s of loyal followers and is viewed streaming live to even more.
Who is this meek, humble leader and where can you hear him speak? Rev. Lon Solomon and week # 5’s McLean Bible Church!
McLean Bible Church started the way I’m sure all religious traditions began: on an LSD fueled stroll through Chapel Hill, NC, someone handed Lon Solomon a Jesus pamphlet, he read it, shaved his Jew-fro, smoked the rest of his stash and a mega church was born.
This visit did confirm the mega church service agenda of 30 minutes of music followed by 30 minutes of bible based preaching, followed by mingling at the church cafeteria, coffee house, book store, recruitment desk, restaurant, kids lounge, teen lounge, JcPenny, H&M, Chinese restaurant with the free toothpick of bourbon chicken, or one of the other mall-ish amenities. There truly was something for everyone. There were 3 separate services at one time in one church. There was the rock concert followed by bible based preaching service telecast live on a projection screen, the teen rock concert followed by bible based preaching telecast live on a projection screen, or the full out symphony orchestra followed by bible based preaching actually live. We chose the latter, and no joke there were timpani drums and a rain stick. What’s that, you are hearing impaired? No worries, there was a sign language interpreter, an interpretive interpreter to be exact.
This visit also confirmed the organization behind running a successful mega church. This one had a traffic light and a cop, and a parking garage. If you get lost on your way to the service and end up in the bookstore, don’t worry, an usher will escort you to an open seat, which for us was row #1 (we are always on time for things). No joke, we sat front row; best orchestra seats I’ve ever had. These seats were not for the uncommitted, the guy next to me read along from his personal bible as the performers sang. Who brings a book to a concert?!
Anyways, I know people love this stuff, they flock in by the thousands. They wake up early, get dressed, drive on the toll road, park in a parking garage and then watch a sermon on a video screen. I can wrap my head around some of it, the casual dress code, the free child care, the post church lattes, but that selective literal interpretation of the bible still throws me off every time.
Sure we can talk about Leviticus 20:13 which states "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination." But Leviticus 19:19 also says “Don't wear clothes made of more than one fabric” and “Don't have a variety of crops on the same field. I think there is something about killing those of different faiths, not making whoopee during your wife’s special time and something about shellfish. I do agree with one of those last three, but you get the point. When anyone takes anything too literally it makes me a bit nervous.
This service did do a good job of relating the literal interpretation into a real life experience. The sermon was about when God says “no.” It is a valuable point, admittedly it even tied into the verse of the day about Paul having a thorn in his side, and the music was pretty good.
Still history has not shown positive results from literal interpretations, or thousands keenly following the words of one…But who am I to argue, if this is what makes you feel fulfilled, or is the reason you volunteer, or give to the poor then I say follow all you want.
McLean Bible Church aerial photo…
Oops sorry, wrong photo, that’s the pastor’s home.*
*that is kind of a low blow, sorry, sorta.
You crack me up! Great writing as always.
ReplyDeleteGreat post. Loved the part about finishing the stash before starting the mega-church. I think you actually ARE arguing that literal interpretations don't yield great benefits for humanity...so I wouldn't necessarily back off from that point.
ReplyDeleteFinal pic and caption say it all. Ouch!
Keep going--I'm enjoying your blog very much.
LMAO!!!! Wonderful as usual!Superb ending! I wish I had this to read last Sunday when I was stopped by a traffic cop that let 5,000 cars leave the Mega Church down the street from me!
ReplyDelete